After I miscarried, the recurring thought in my head was “I messed up. I’m broken. I did something wrong.” Physically, I felt like I was in the wrong body, or at least in a body that wasn’t mine. At that moment, I saw no silver lining. There was no highlight or higher purpose of something dying inside of me. In retrospect, I find value in that experience because my heart hurts in a different way for women around me when we talk about their losses. Everyone’s miscarriage experience is different, but my empathy grew exponentially after losing a pregnancy. Taking care of yourself after a miscarriage is extremely important. Here are some things I did, and WISH I did after miscarrying. 

Should You Share?

I kept the information between my husband and I for a long time. I do appreciate privacy within a married couple, however, the moment I started sharing about my experience, I was able to connect with women who had similar experiences, and my burden felt lighter. This makes sense now knowing that 1 in 5 pregnancies ending in miscarriage in the first trimester. I also feel like my husband was less able to process the event by keeping it all hush hush. Neither of us asked for support outside of each other, and I wish we had been more intentional about processing the loss emotionally, for both of us. Seeking counseling sessions, or any kind of emotional work with a professional.

Lymphatic Drainage

I went to a lymphatic drainage therapist. My particular lymph guru was an OT, but many massage therapists are trained in lymphatic drainage as well. This was very helpful with this “not my body” feeling. I was swollen. I had a lot of extra fluid. Lymphatic drainage therapy is notoriously gentle and helpful for getting your body out of fight or flight and into the rest and repair part of your nervous system. 

Take Time to Rest

I was not great at resting. I’m still not. I wish I could have given myself more grace and time to lay in bed. Sleep is so extremely important for healing, but my brain craved the distraction of work and busyness. In retrospect, I should have taken time off for maternity leave… because I was postpartum.

Meditation

Years later, I can’t even remember who sent me this meditation, or if the internet just shoved it in my face. However it got there, I’m grateful because it was very comforting. It goes like this:

 

Thank you for joining us on this journey to parenthood.

    • Thank you for giving us hope, joy, and excitement.
    • I’m so glad you joined us for ___ weeks. 
    • In that short time you helped us get a clearer picture of the type of parents we want to be.
    • Thank you for bringing clarity and confidence to our decision to have children.
    • Because of you, we are ready for the next baby, your sibling.
    • Thank you for all of the new awareness.
    • Knowing you were here helped us grow as a couple in many ways. 
    • I am sorry you will not be the baby we will hold, and this is the end of our time together.
    • Thank you for making room for our next baby.
    • We honor your journey onward. 

Self Care

I showered every day. It not only made me feel human to feel clean and awake, but depending on the intensity of your delivery, showering (even water alone with no soap) may be helpful at keeping infection at bay. 

Nutrition

I ate nourishing foods. This is really helpful in the healing process, but also don’t guilt yourself into cooking if you can’t handle it. If you can’t motivate yourself or physically handle cooking, order in or ASK your support network for help. This is when sharing your struggles really helps. Meat, bone broth, and veggies help repair healing tissues, even if you can only handle small servings. Healthy fats support hormone regulation (try nuts, avocado, coconut, olive oil). Overall, if you don’t feel like eating, just eat what sounds good until you can handle otherwise.

Avoid Substances

I avoided alcohol. If you can possibly swing this, please do. There’s nothing about alcohol that will help you heal. 

Emotional Landscape

I rode the waves of my emotions (good) but tried to make the waves small (not great). I’m really good at pretending things are ok (anyone else share my toxic trait?), but that’s not always helpful. Sadness, anger, shame, embarrassment, confusion, and numbness are all normal. Ride the waves, let them swell.

Slow Down

I avoided strenuous activities for a while. After being pregnant, you need to lean into the rest that comes with being postpartum, no matter how long the pregnancy lasted. 

I know every situation is different, because we are all different. I’m hoping my path helps you find a better path, or even a starting place, for yourself if you’re in a similar situation. You can always reach out to me at Corridor Wellness, or anyone at Hopeful Mama if you need guidance after loss.

 

 

Written by Dr. Hannah Anderson for the Hopeful Mama Foundation.

Dr. Hannah Anderson is a chiropractor at Corridor Wellness in downtown Cedar Rapids, Iowa. She specializes in women’s health, fertility, pregnancy, and pediatrics. She works with patients of all ages in regards to nutritional, emotional, and physical health by addressing the whole person rather than pieces. Dr. Hannah is certified by the ICPA in pediatric and maternal health care, trained in Neuroemotional Technique, Quantum Neurology, and Mercier Therapy. She is passionate about helping women during all phases of the motherhood transition, preconception through postpartum. You can find her at corridorwellclinic.com or on Instagram @drhannahanderson.

The views and opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the Hopeful Mama Foundation. Any content provided by our authors are of their opinion and are not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, club, organization, company, or individual.