The holidays are often painted as a season of joy, gratitude, community and family gatherings. However, for many people experiencing infertility, this time of year can feel exceptionally heavy and painful.

Celebrating Despite Feeling Pain

Holiday traditions often revolve around children: opening gifts, making cookies, taking photos, and sharing memories. When you’re longing to build a family of your own, these moments can feel like a reminder of what hasn’t happened yet, and the unknown future of what family looks like for you. Even if you’re genuinely happy for others, it may still feel painful for you and that doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human.

The quiet ache you might feel when you see pregnancy announcements and family photo-ops might be heightened during the holiday season. You might find yourself trying to smile through conversations that cut deeper than others realize on the surface. You may find yourself pulling back, not because you don’t care, but because the emotional toll is already too heavy.

Feeling sad, withdrawn, or conflicted doesn’t make you ungrateful. It means you’re navigating something incredibly emotional during a time that pressures society to be cheerful.

If this is you, please know that you’re not alone. You are so valid for feeling all those emotions.

You may find yourself avoiding gatherings or feeling emotionally distant, even when you show up physically. You might struggle to join in conversations or find joy in traditions you once loved. You might feel guilty for withdrawing but still feel overwhelmed by trying to stay engaged.

Connection can feel complicated when your heart is in pain. You’re not failing your relationships by protecting your emotional wellbeing.

Infertility can often make you feel disconnected from others, but it doesn’t diminish your strength, your worth, or your place within your family or community. You matter. Your story matters. Your pain is real. And it’s okay if your holiday season doesn’t look or feel like everyone else’s or the seasons you’ve had before infertility.

Setting Boundaries for Yourself

We don’t have to disconnect from everyone in our lives during this time, in fact, we want to still reach out to those who we feel are safe spaces for us.  This might be with a close friend, partner, therapist, or your Hopeful Mama community. You deserve spaces where your experience is understood and respected.

Give yourself grace if traditions feel too painful. You are allowed to not attend if it’s going to cause you distress. You don’t owe anyone explanations for taking care of your mental health.

It’s also okay to still want to join in your traditions with healthy boundaries in place. Something most everyone experiencing infertility fears are the inevitable invasive questions by family and friends (especially those who don’t know you are experiencing infertility.)

Navigating Tough Conversations

A few responses to consider:
“I appreciate your care, but that’s something we’re keeping private.”
“We are just focusing on the holidays right now.”

Infertility isn’t just a medical journey; it’s an emotional one. You may be grieving what you hoped would happen this year, struggling with the setbacks in 2025, or trying to stay hopeful while facing disappointment this season. Remember, grief doesn’t pause for the holidays.

You are allowed to protect your heart.
You are allowed to grieve.
You are allowed to hope.
And you are allowed to rest.

Whatever this season looks like for you, may you find softness, understanding of your emotions, and even glimmers of peace, comfort and hope.